Sarah was out of town this weekend, so I went to visit my friends Josh and Ginny in Flagstaff. Josh was my neighbor in the dorm freshmen and sophomore years of college, and my housemate junior and senior years. I haven’t seen him a lot since we graduated, but now that I’m out on the West Coast and I have a car, it’s much easier. Ginny was his girlfriend for almost the entire four years of college. She didn’t go to school with us, but she visited often and I feel as close to her as I do Josh. They are good people.

I had never been to Flagstaff, but it’s a pretty bitchin’ place. I’ve always imagined Arizona to be hot and deserty, but Flagstaff (or Flag, as the people who live there call it) is green and sometimes snowy. It felt to me like an Austin or a Chapel Hill in the making.

I drove for 7 1/2 hours to get there. I can’t remember when I’ve taken a drive like that on my own, if ever. It was very mindless. There isn’t a lot to see between LA and Flagstaff. I needed a new hooded sweatshirt, so I stopped at the Polo outlet on the way. The store was filled with non-English speaking tourists who were buying armloads of merchandise. The woman in front of me bought 10 short-sleeve yellow polo shirts (the style, and the brand). They were all exactly the same shirt. Something seemed very suspicious. I asked the nineteen-year-old girl behind the counter if people bought clothes from the Polo store and resold them. “Yes,” she said. She told me that sometimes people came in and bought $10,000 worth of merchandise. “Oh well,” I decided. “I guess it’s not your problem.” “Nope,” she agreed. I did not buy $10,000 worth of new clothes, but I did get a very comfortable new hoodie that I plan to wear until it is falling apart.

I arrived at Josh and Ginny’s to find the party in full effect. The party-people were Josh, Ginny …

… and Camile. Camile is a dog.

We drank some beers and Josh and I pointed at a computer, just like in the good old days.

Camile moved the party in a dark direction by beating the stuffing out of her best friend.

Her behavior made us all a little uncomfortable, but she wouldn’t let us leave until she got a high-five.

Fearing that Camile would take her anger out on us next, we moved on to a Thai restaurant in downtown Flagstaff, where we met up with Josh & Ginny’s friends Matt and Annie. Annie works at a food bank. In honor of Thanksgiving, the food bank erected an enormous inflatable turkey on their front lawn. Apparently, there is a slot inside the turkey where people can put their donated canned goods. When the goods slide through the slot, the turkey gobbles. I did not get a chance to see the inflatable turkey, and I am kicking myself for it. Matt works for the city of Flagstaff. One of his job duties is naming streets. He and his friends have a reservoir of ridiculous street names that they’re just waiting to put into effect.

The next morning, we were all a little hungover. Worst off was Camile. Just look at those glassy eyes. She had no recollection of the fight. Her friend lay where she’d left him, comatose … or worse.

Camile still seemed a little cagey, so we left her to wallow in her despair. Luckily, Josh had to do some work, providing us with a nice excuse to get out of there. He’s a staff photographer for the Arizona Daily Sun. He’s very talented. I would love to send you to his online portfolio, but this is all there is.

That day, a bridge on a hiking trail in Flagstaff was getting painted white. Josh was sent out to cover this hard-hitting story. When we arrived, we were shocked to find that the bridge was being painted by A TINY MAN!

The tiny man hopped into Josh’s nose and we moved on to breakfast in downtown Flagstaff. The downtown area is very quaint. I think that’s the best word to describe it: quaint. Here is Josh, expressing his love of quaintness:

We stopped by the newspaper office so that Josh could load his pictures of the tiny man into the system. His picture turned out much nicer than mine:

Next, we headed to a road that Josh and Ginny really like. The road leads to Sedona, a touristy town near Flagstaff. The road was very choppy. It was worth it for the view, though:

In addition to being beautiful and touristy and full of choppy roads, Sedona is the home of 9 vortexes. These vortexes are special energy centers in the earth. Some people even believe that they are rifts in the space-time continuum. We would have been fools to enter Sedona without trying our luck inside one of these vortexes. Before we could enter the vortex, however, Josh and Ginny had to prepare by doing the special vortex dance:

We were now ready to enter the vortex. Josh and Ginny continued dancing while I took a picture.

We didn’t pass through the time-space continuum, but we were certain we felt something evil, so we went to a church to get our spirits cleansed. This church was built into the side of a cliff. It was beautiful:

Josh emerges from the church, feeling like a new man.

This tourist couple paused on the church balcony to take a picture. They were having a lovely time …

… until THE WIFE GOT SUCKED INTO THE FREAKING VORTEX!!!

We hot-footed it out of there before we got trapped for eternity in some strange trans-dimensional plane, like that unlucky Midwesterner. On the way out, we took the Midgely Bridge, to which someone had added a cleverly place “-LY”:

That night, Matt and Annie had a party to celebrate Josh’s birthday. We loaded up on delicious grilled carne asada and brownies. It was great fun. And now, here is a picture of a cat in a toilet.

Whew! I’m exhausted! And that was just the first day! I haven’t even said a word about visiting the Grand Canyon yet. I will have to save that part of the trip for another day, when I have another 5 hours to spare. Until then, I remain, yours truly …

El Guapo