I just went to the Rite Aid to pick up some beer. The person in line ahead of me was buying two tubes (don’t know if that’s the right word) of Revlon Pecan Lip Liner. The woman behind the counter rang this woman up. The phone rang at Rite Aid. The customer’s cell phone rang. Each of them grabbed their respective phones.

The customer mumbled something into her cell and looked at the screen of the cash register. “These are supposed to be buy one, get one half off,” she said. “Hello, Rite Aid,” said the employee, in an Apu accent. “These are supposed to be buy one, get one HALF OFF,” the customer reiterated, into her cell phone. “Yah,” the employee said, realizing that the woman was talking to her. “You got half off,” then, into her phone, “yes, we sell batteries.” The employee pointed to the screen, where it clearly showed that the customer had gotten her discount. “These are SUPPOSED TO BE BUY ONE, GET ONE HALF OFF!” the customer shouted, in between muttered mumblings to her phone partner. “Yah!” the employee answered. She smacked her index finger repeatedly against the register screen. “You got one half off!” The customer lost it. “I KNOW!” she shouted, and then stormed away from the counter and out of the store. The employee and I followed the woman out the door with our eyes.

I put my 6 pack on the counter and tried to appear friendly. The employee shook her head with distaste. “What a nahsty person,” she said, still watching the door.

This is what’s funny about this story: 1) the employee made a severe and serious condemnation of the customer’s character while speaking in an Apu accent, and 2) someone called Rite Aid to see if they carried batteries.

This video is pretty dope. I love that they’re all, “dudes, you know we’re lip synching. Let’s call a spade a spade.”

(Thanks, Boingboing!)

I just saw a woman buying a teddy bear at 7-11. I sure hope she wasn’t buying it for a child. That would be really sad.

I’m working on moving to a new server with a whooole bunch of space for me to put my stupid crap up like music and pictures of squirrels. So bear with me during this awkward transition period, just as you bore with me throughout my teens and twenties.

From The Fix on Salon:

Not only is it true that, as rumored, O.J. Simpson has written a book detailing what he would have done if he’d killed his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend Ronald Goldman — the tome, cleverly titled If I Did It, is reportedly coming out Nov. 30 — but he’ll be discussing his hypothetical plan in a two-part interview on Fox a few days before the book hits stores. Fox’s breathless press release says, “O.J. Simpson, in his own words, tells for the first time how he would have committed the murders if he were the one responsible for the crimes,” and a Fox executive bleats, “This is an interview that no one thought would ever happen. It’s the definitive last chapter in the Trial of the Century.”

America … hooray!

This is the first time I have ever actually seen the infamous Crispin Glover appearance on David Letterman. For the life of me, I can’t figure out what went wrong. First of all, I have never heard anyone else mention this before, but his outfit isn’t just random - it’s the costume from Rubin and Ed, one of the finest movies ever made. It’s clear to me that Glover is just doing shtick … but this appearance allegedly upset Letterman so much that he refused to ever book Glover again. Is he really upset, or is it some conceptual Andy Kaufman-esque piece? You be the judge.

Over at the Aspidistra, Com$tock has an interesting discussion going about video game snobs. I say it is interesting because I encouraged him to start it. If you play video games, you should swing by and contribute. This means you, Mark, since I think you’re probably the only person who actually reads my blog.

Oh. My. God.

Scientists have taught dolphins to combine both rhythm and vocalisations to produce music, resulting in an extremely high-pitched, short version of the Batman theme song.

The full article is right here, but the song is not up yet. The day I hear a bunch of dolphins singing the Batman theme song will, without a doubt, be the finest day of my life. Now, if you could only teach them to sing “Batdance” …

(Thanks, Boingboing!)

BAGHDAD: Several dozen employees of a university office were kidnapped here today, in a methodical daylight raid that prompted the minister of higher education to berate Parliament and threaten to shut the nation’s universities until security improves.

*Snarf*, tsha, sounds like we’re really winning over there, *snarf*. *Pwuh*, I’m so glad we invaded Iraq instead of taking care of Osama bin Laden. I’m just so glad. It sounds like this whole democracy thing is really working well for them, *pchh*.

My friend Matt recently started selling his alphabet paintings online and at a few stores in New England. The picture below is from a set he made for his living room. He does an excellent job and at $50 for a big picture, it’s a steal. Buy some for your friends and family right here.