Two weekends ago, I went to a wedding in a small town outside of Atlanta from which I am still recovering. The groom of honor was Nathan, one of my close friends and roommates from college. I had been looking to this weekend for a long time, because it was an opportunity to see a bunch of friends from college who I hadn’t seen in a long time.

I flew into Atlanta on Friday and met Sarah at the airport. Sarah has had a crazy couple of weeks of globe-trotting adventures. She was in New York for the previous week and a half, then she flew to Atlanta for the wedding, and after that, she flew back to New York for another couple of days.

Our planes got in around 4:30. We picked up our rental car and drove for 2 hours to get to Washington, Georgia, where we had a room at the Hotel Fitzpatrick. Sarah immediately asked the man at the front desk if there were ghosts in the hotel. Sometimes I think she has ghosts on the brain. The man said there were ghosts in the hotel, but as we learned over the course of the weekend, there are ghosts in pretty much every building in Washington, Georgia. The town is off-the-charts with spectral activity.

(more…)

A large part of the premise seems to be that Steve Carell is told to build an ark, and everyone thinks he’s crazy. But as we can clearly see from the trailer, fairly early on in the story, pairs of weirdly anthropomorphic animals start following him around everywhere he goes. I have never seen a single hippopotamus follow a man, let alone two, let alone two followed by pairs of every other kind of animal on earth, including breakdancing chimpanzees. On top of that, he seems to have developed a superhuman ability to grow a beard instantaneously. What logical explanation could the filmmakers possibly come up with to explain why people would not be swayed by this evidence?

Hello, goblins. Yes, I still exist. I have spent the last three weeks globe-trotting and working my ass off for the man. They say that once you move to Los Angeles your life becomes a magical, obligation-free fairyland of lollipops and fairy elves, but they are wrong. We still have to work hard for our money out in these parts. Of course, working hard in Los Angeles means spending 2-3 hours per day thinking sort of deeply. Everything is relative.

Yesterday I had had enough of stress. “Enough of you, stress!” I screamed, until I was on the verge of passing out. I called up my new friends Adam and Michael and together we decided to hit the Korean spa.

I’m lying to you. This isn’t the way it happened at all. We had been planning it for weeks. It makes me sound cooler, though, if I set it up as though I had a flash of inspiration to hit the Korean spa. It was actually Michael’s idea.

I met Michael and Adam through Sarah. They are burgeoning LA art scene megalos. I can’t think of the word I want here but I’m positive it isn’t megalos. Megalos isn’t really a word. Basically, Michael and Adam are going to take the art world by storm sometime in the near future, but I can’t think of the word for what that sort of person would be called. I’m pretty sure it starts with an “m.”

A few weeks ago at one of the many posh art events I frequent, Michael relayed to me his grand scheme of creating a gang. I have been craving a solid group of friends in LA, so I leaped at the chance to become a member of this gang. From what I understood, they were accepting non-artists for the mascot position. Yesterday was my trial run, my first date.

On a good first date, you always get to see your date naked, and yesterday was no exception. We arrived at the spa at around 5:00. I’ve been sworn to secrecy on the location because we don’t want the place to become overrun with non-artists and/or non-artists’-mascots. After paying our $15 entry fee, we went to the back room where we grabbed towels and dropped our trouels. Haha, trouels isn’t a word, either.

(more…)