The only reason I’m writing this is because Ginnie (Ginny?) yelled at me in my last post, which was written over a month ago. I think an average of one post a month is pretty good, especially when the posts are of such high quality. I’ve been working on a new project that I will write about soon. All I have to say right now is that if you live in New York, clear your calender for the night of February 11th.

I went to see Cornelius the other night. It was a great show. I can’t write about it because I don’t know how to describe concerts. There was a band, and they played songs, and they sounded and looked good. That’s not the point. I was on iTunes today and saw that Cornelius had a new album. I checked it out. Turns out it’s a remix album. I was reading the customer reviews on the record, of which there are currently 8, and it seemed as though the people who downloaded the album had no idea what they were getting into. Which, why would you download an album if you’d never heard anything about it? 8 people, and not a single one of them had ever heard of the artist they spent $7.99 to download. That still is not the point. The point is that this two star critique by “caution_rocker_chickie” is genius:

This album seems to be a little bit too original for it’s times. Kudos on originality, but it’s not really practical for this day and age.

Her name does not lie. She is a caution rocker chickie, through and through. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that she didn’t misuse words, that she meant exactly what she said … original music simply is not practical. I don’t know what kind of music is practical, necessarily, but I absolutely agree with her that if it’s practical, it probably is not original. And for this day and age! That’s the part that kills me. Maybe in the future we’ll have a time when originality will become practical, but the world just isn’t ready for it today.

I dug up some of caution_rocker_chickie’s other reviews to see if she had any good suggestions of music that might be a little more practical to listen to than Cornelius. Here are some albums that caution_rocker_chickie (who is listed alternatively as Michelle and Michi) really enjoys, and I think we can all agree that actually, they are quite practical:

Cut and Move by Day of Fire: I have no idea who this is. Caution says “It’s about time someone recaptured the meaning of true rock and roll.” I’m going to have to check this out, because I’ve been thinking the same. I wasn’t aware that Day of Fire was out there recapturing that meaning; I thought perhaps it had escaped forever. What’s more, the CD can be purchased on iTunes for only $9.90, a $.09 discount from regular prices.

Get There by Transition: Again, no clue who this is. She recommends it because she loves “how clear the singers voice is, and the overall beat is great.” Clarity of voice is a very practical thing to look for in music.

A Boy Named Goo by the Goo Goo Dolls: This could be the very definition of practical music.

Collective Soul by Collective Soul: Slightly impractical in that it costs $9.99 and is worth less than the cost of the packaging, but that’s just semantics.

7even Year Itch - Greatest Hits 1994-2001 by Collective Soul: She “used to sit around and listen to this CD for HOURS with [her] mom while she watched [her] while [her] dad was at work.” Her dad worked … a possible clue to caution_rocker_chickie’s true identity? Anyone have any guesses? Also: I must point out the number 7 does not look very much like the letter S.

Super Hits by Blue Oyster Cult: I don’t know how to do umlauts, but please note that they belong over the O. All I can say about this choice is: wow. Her review is great, although only 0 out of 1 listeners found it helpful. (Make that 1 out of 2 … I just gave her a little vote for the hard work she’s put in.) If there’s one thing that gets Michi upset, it’s the lack of attention that is paid to the Oysterz (as they’re known in the practical rock community). “Personally,” she says, “I think its sad how only 3 people commented on this. This is clearly a sign that people these days just dont know good music when they hear it [...] This is pretty much the CD of all the classics. even if you wern’t living during the age of good rock ‘n roll, doesnt mean you cant support it and listen to the truely good songs… this is an amazing CD for anyone.” She’s also a big fan of the Oysterz album Secret Treaties, although she expresses concern that “not many people these days really know who they are or what they did for the world or rock.” I am 99% sure that what that means to her has something to do with cowbells. The album Blue Oyster Cult is another fave, and one that is embraced by Michi as “truely the best part of musical history … Blue Oyster Cult.” She repeats the name again in case you were confused by which artist released the Blue Oyster Cult album entitled Blue Oyster Cult.

We already know she wasn’t crazy about Cornelius, but what else didn’t she like? Amy Winehouse, for one. she “honestly hate[s] this album, and the singer with a passion.” Why? Because “This chick is a disrespectful dike.” I couldn’t agree more. “If you want GOOD music, you’re in the wrong place.” I continue the thought … “because this is a different place, a place where music is BAD. Go to another place, not here.” It’s interesting to note that 7 out of 29 people actually found this review helpful.

And finally, the Fray’s (again: who?) remake of John Lennons’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”. And here she finally admits it to us: “ok personally, I dont think this song meets up to my music standards. Which, really arent too high.”