My friends Kyle, Clay, and Oliver have a new show in New York. If you live there, you should see it. These guys never disappoint. Details:

Tickets Now Onsale!
Only $15 with discount code “ROCK.”
Or pay-what-you-can on Thursdays 4/3, 4/10, 4/17.
To buy tickets, click here or call 212-868-4444.

HOSTAGE SONG
The new indie-rock musical
in a limited engagement

Stories and Book by Clay McLeod Chapman
Music and Lyrics by Kyle Jarrow
Directed by Oliver Butler

April 3-26
Thursdays through Saturdays at 8pm
At The Kraine Theater
(85 E. 4th Street btw 2nd and 3rd)

Bound and blindfolded in a war-torn country, two hostages take refuge in music, memory and each other in this new indie-rock musical. Hostage Song is the creation of a powerhouse combo of downtown favorites: playwright and novelist Clay McLeod Chapman (creator of the Pumpkin Pie Show), Kyle Jarrow (OBIE winning author of A Very Merry Unauthorized Children’s Scientology Pageant, member of the glam rock band The Fabulous Entourage), and director Oliver Butler (The Debate Society).

Performances by Paul Thureen, Hanna Cheek, Hannah Bos, Abe Goldfarb and Clay McLeod Chapman.
Music performed by Kyle Jarrow, Drew St. Aubin, Paul Bates and Jonathan Sherrill.

“Mr. Jarrow is the kind of writer who likes to provoke people.” -The New Yorker

“Downtown hipster raconteur Clay McLeod Chapman wears his heart on his sleeve – a bloody, still-beating organ safety-pinned to his cuffs.” -Time Out New York

A Horse Trade Production
Stage Manager: Amy Ehrenberg, Lighting Designer: Mike Riggs, Set Designer: Amanda Rehbein, Costume Designer: Sean Tribble, Associate Producer: The Thursday Problem, Publicity: Emily Owens, Photography: Jeffrey Weiss, Graphic Design: Paul Thureen, Web Design: MLT.

To buy tickets click here or call 212-868-4444.

More info at www.hostagesong.com

McCarron got creative on request today, and the result is a beautiful thing to behold:

Every time I closed my eyes, I would see this:

From Talking Points Memo:

Today’s Gallup tracking poll shows Barack Obama retaking the national lead over Hillary Clinton, after the Jeremiah Wright scandal had badly damaged his numbers and put him behind for nearly a week.

Um, forgive me for being stupid, but isn’t it more likely that polls are totally useless? Last week, according to this poll, 49% of “likely Democratic voters” favored Hillary, and only 42% favored Obama. This week, 48% favor Obama, and 45% favor Hillary. As the interpreters of Gallup see it, last week thousands of Americans saw the clips of the Reverend Wright and said, “Obama knows a scary black guy! I can’t vote for him!” Then this week, thousands of Americans said, “Obama acknowledged that he knows a scary black guy! Now I’m going to vote for him again!” To be fair, 3% of those people are still thinking, “Hillary doesn’t seem to know any scary black guys.”

The Wright “scandal” (which I’m still not convinced that it ever really was a scandal with anyone but the media) was at least based in reality … Obama does know the Reverend Wright, and we do have a clip of him saying “God damn America.” (I believe that Wright’s comments were simply ten seconds of expressed frustration in a long and noble career, but then again, my employers have always complimented me on my ability to “think outside the box.”) Point being, if this poll is correct, what are these swing Democrats going to do when the Republicans start completely inventing things that Obama has done wrong, a la Les Swiftboatees? We’re so fucked!

Arthur C. Clarke died yesterday. I’ve never read anything by him. I don’t think anyone has. He’s the science-fiction writer that everyone loves to mention but no one has ever read.

Here is the picture that’s been attached to most of his obituaries:

That is exactly what I want my science-fiction writers to look like. I bet he got that shirt on one of his spice-trading missions to Mars.

If you haven’t heard, seen, or read Obama’s speech on race, I encourage you to take the time to do so. I’ve been waiting to hear a politician speak this frankly for a long time. You can find it here.

The postmortems that I’ve read seem to tentatively say it’s a great speech but that Americans generally prefer platitudes and attack ads over speeches that require them to think. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a speech before that required me to think, so I can’t say for sure that the hypothesis is correct. The media and politicians seem very afraid that Americans are going to rise up in anger toward anyone who dare challenge our intellect. I feel very relieved today that someone actually gave it a shot.

I’m glad he gave the speech, ’cause I think he could have easily been swiftboated if he hadn’t. Still, I don’t really understand what the fuss is about. Obama went to a black church in which the pastor sometimes got pissed off at whitey. Newsflash: whitey has traditionally been kind of a dick to black people. And it really bothers me that every news report I’ve seen on the subject has been treating this Reverend Wright guy as if he’s some kind of historically polarizing figure, a la Louis Farrakhan. Had anyone ever heard of him before last week? Yet I’m sure if you have a conversation with anyone who wishes to prove to you that Obama is a racist, that person will talk to you as if the Rev. Wright has been in the public consciousness for years.

I’d be curious to speak with someone whose mind has been changed about Obama after seeing the videos of his pastor making incendiary remarks. Aside from the fact that I don’t really know how any adult can watch a media “controversy” without a certain degree of suspicion, how exactly does this tarnish Obama’s character? Do people out there think that politicians now have to apologize for things that their friends have said? And what exactly is the fear: that Obama is secretly an Angry Black Man who, once elected, will go out of his way to disenfranchise white people? It’s exactly this kind of diverting, insubstantial bullshit that Obama spoke against in his speech today, and I just really hope we’re smart enough to listen. Support him or don’t support him, but for God’s sake, take the man at his word that he wants to do what’s right for his country. He didn’t train in a madrasah, he isn’t a secret terrorist, and he isn’t running for president to exact his revenge on white people. The fact that these scenarios are even being discussed in the public sphere show how warped our concept of reality has become.

This weekend I went to a barbecue and David Wain was there. He directed & wrote Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten. It is the first time I’ve seen someone I knew from the movies at a party in L.A. I was introduced to him and I said, “I know your movies, actually. I’m a big fan of Wet, Hot, American Summer.” And he said, “oh, cool,” in that kind of “get this stalker away from me” voice. I thought I played it pretty cool, but maybe people who make movies are used to being harassed by geeks. Or maybe I shouldn’t have tried to kiss him … whatever, I thought he’d find it flattering.

The only other interaction I had with him was when I was talking to another guy who asked me to name an 8 letter word with only one vowel. David Wain was at the condiment table. “Strength,” David Wain said, almost immediately. In a Jeffreydinsmore.com exclusive, you heard it here first: red hot director David Wain is a trivia buff! Eat it, Perez!

I looked up the search terms “3 months premature” for a story I was working on because I wanted to know if babies born 3 months premature could live. Low and behold, babies have survived that have been born as early as 23 frigging weeks! I learned this through a page I got to from the Google Premature Baby Personal Pages. It’s a listing of about 50 personal websites for premature babies and the parents of premature babies. There is an oasis of information out there for preemies and the people who love them.

This Google Directory view is interesting. Click through the topics and eventually you’ll get to an area called “personal pages” that takes you to the pages of ordinary Americans who have something they want to share. Here are the personal pages listed under the Humor/Bizarre category, and here are some websites for evil geniuses. The best thing I’ve found, and quite possible the best thing I’ve ever found, is the Dull Men’s Club.

People who are so obsessed with me that they’ve combed through my blog and read every post (I’m talking to you, Zooey Deschanel!) will know that I am not a big fan of pseduo-feminist Camille Paglia. (I am also not a big fan of people who use the term “pseudo-,” but this is what happens to me when I am forced to write commentary on pretentious morons.) Today she offers another beautiful example of why people who have spent their entire lives in academia should never be given pencils:

Obama has seemed tentative in countering the Clintons’ trademark mudslinging, but perhaps coolness and poise are what the nation needs after eight years of George W. Bush’s lurching braggadocio. Obama hasn’t figured out how to stay classy while delivering wicked stiletto thrusts — a talent mastered in spades by British politicians produced by the Oxbridge debate culture.

Wha? I’m with her through the beginning … Obama keeps it cool … but what the Hell is that last part? There is nothing in the rest of the article about British politicians or “Oxbridge debate culture.” Obama did not go to Oxbridge, and he is not British. This is among the more random non-sequiturs I have ever seen in print. Its sole reason for existing is to let us know that Camille Paglia knows there is a school called Oxbridge in England where people who might later become British politicans debate one another. Here is my insider music equivalent:

Madonna hasn’t figured out how to appear interesting to music snobs — a talent mastered in spades by members of the seminal 60s bands Moby Grape and the 13th Floor Elevators.

You see how that works? You have not learned anything new about Madonna, but at least you know that I’ve heard of Moby Grape and the 13th Floor Elevators. Here’s another one:

Cereal doesn’t ever seem to stay crispy in milk — a talent mastered in spades by well-charred horse meat.

From the AP:

An Iowa Republican congressman said Friday that terrorists would be “dancing in the streets” if Democratic candidate Barack Obama were to win the presidency.

Rep. Steve King based his prediction on Obama’s pledge to pull troops out of Iraq, his Kenyan heritage and his middle name, Hussein.

“The radical Islamists, the al-Qaida … would be dancing in the streets in greater numbers than they did on Sept. 11 because they would declare victory in this war on terror,” King said in an interview with the Daily Reporter in Spencer.

King said his comments were not meant to demean Obama but to warn how an Obama presidency would look to the world.

“His middle name does matter,” King said. “It matters because they read a meaning into that.”

This is the kind of thing that makes me want to run screaming through the streets. They’re making fun of a guy’s name. I know that everything is fair game in politics, but making fun of a person’s name is about on the same level as calling him a Mr. Doody Pants Poopy Face. I’d really, really like to believe Americans are smarter than that, but after two Bush victories, I don’t have a lot of faith.

Mr. King was also alarmed about Obama’s Kenyan heritage. Which is slightly understandable, considering the massive injustices we’ve suffered over the years at the hands of the Kenyan people. What American marathon runner has a chance next to those fleet-footed bastards?

In the end, my main problem is that I fundamentally disagree with his argument. I welcome the day when Al-Qaida is dancing in the streets. I think we’d be a lot better off if they were dancing instead of cooking up their schemes. If the war on terrorism turns into a giant dance battle, I would put even money on Obama and his Kenyan pals.