People who are so obsessed with me that they’ve combed through my blog and read every post (I’m talking to you, Zooey Deschanel!) will know that I am not a big fan of pseduo-feminist Camille Paglia. (I am also not a big fan of people who use the term “pseudo-,” but this is what happens to me when I am forced to write commentary on pretentious morons.) Today she offers another beautiful example of why people who have spent their entire lives in academia should never be given pencils:

Obama has seemed tentative in countering the Clintons’ trademark mudslinging, but perhaps coolness and poise are what the nation needs after eight years of George W. Bush’s lurching braggadocio. Obama hasn’t figured out how to stay classy while delivering wicked stiletto thrusts — a talent mastered in spades by British politicians produced by the Oxbridge debate culture.

Wha? I’m with her through the beginning … Obama keeps it cool … but what the Hell is that last part? There is nothing in the rest of the article about British politicians or “Oxbridge debate culture.” Obama did not go to Oxbridge, and he is not British. This is among the more random non-sequiturs I have ever seen in print. Its sole reason for existing is to let us know that Camille Paglia knows there is a school called Oxbridge in England where people who might later become British politicans debate one another. Here is my insider music equivalent:

Madonna hasn’t figured out how to appear interesting to music snobs — a talent mastered in spades by members of the seminal 60s bands Moby Grape and the 13th Floor Elevators.

You see how that works? You have not learned anything new about Madonna, but at least you know that I’ve heard of Moby Grape and the 13th Floor Elevators. Here’s another one:

Cereal doesn’t ever seem to stay crispy in milk — a talent mastered in spades by well-charred horse meat.