Camille Paglia, America’s favorite self-proclaimed intellectual, has done it again! Check out this insanely convoluted metaphor she dropped on unsuspecting Salon readers today:

Hillary for veep? Are you mad? What party nominee worth his salt would chain himself to a traveling circus like the Bill and Hillary Show? If the sulky bearded lady wasn’t biting the new president’s leg, the oafish carnival barker would be sending in the clowns to lure all the young ladies into back-of-the-tent sword-swallowing.

Okay. So Hillary is obviously the sulky bearded lady, and Bill is the oafish carnival barker, and sword-swallowing is a reference to how Bill Clinton likes getting his wang serviced. From there, I’m totally lost. What’s the “new president” doing at this circus? Do circuses have a president? And who are the clowns? I think what she’s saying is that if Hillary were to become vice-president, she’d either be getting up Obama’s ass about something or her husband would be, um, sending clowns out to lure women into the White House to give him blowjobs? Nope, still totally confused.