Today I called the library to see if Sarah could pick up a book I put on hold. My options, as I saw it, were to either transfer the hold to her account, or simply have the Central Library make a note saying “the person with [Sarah's card number] is allowed to pick up the book put on hold by the person with [Jeffrey's card number].” It did not strike me as an outlandish request.

The person at the LA Public Library help desk saw things differently. “Oh!” she said, surprised, when I asked her if my wife could pick up my book. “Well no, no, no, you shouldn’t put a book on hold if you can’t pick it up.”

“Well, okay,” I said, “I recognize the logic there, but I already put the book on hold. Could I have my wife pick it up?”

“Yeah, right,” she said sarcastically. “You put a book on hold, and then you have a woman with a totally different card number come pick it up? How do you think that would look?” I’m pretty sure it took everything in her power to not add, “Uh, DUH!” to the end of her response.

I have coined a new term for this type of person: The Leapfrogger. The Leapfrogger is always leaping one step ahead of you and responding to the thing they assume you mean, instead of what you are actually saying. In this case, a normal person would have said, “well, maybe we can take your wife’s card number, and she can pick it up.” Or, alternatively, “I’m really sorry, but our computer systems aren’t set up to change holds from one person to another. It sucks, I know.”

This person did not hear me asking a simple request, though. In her mind, what I was saying sounded like: “Hi, I’m going to send my wife to the library to pick up a book that I put on hold. I’m not going to inform anyone that I’m doing this, and I’m going to expect you to hand her the book, regardless of the number on her library card. Could you please point out to me any problems you see with this scenario, bearing in mind that I have a difficult time understanding simple logic?”

The woman at the parks department who handled our wedding was a real Leapfrogger. We would call and ask a question like, “Hi, is it okay if we have a bonfire on Friday night?” And she would respond “You can’t expect us to provide marshmallows and roasting sticks for you.”

If you are ever in a conversation and trying to determine whether or not the person you are speaking to is a Leapfrogger, ask yourself one simple question: Would the phrase, “Uh, DUH!” fit in at the end of every sentence? If so, you just may be in luck!