Vitriol
I’m watching Giuliani’s speech at the RNC right now. He’s talking about how Obama was a community organizer and the crowd is hissing venomously. I like that the GOP has managed to make community service into a negative.
Now the crowd is chanting “drill, baby, drill,” to show their support for fossil fuels. They’re all, “no alternative fuel sources! Dead dinosaurs and 10,000 year old plant matter in our gas tanks only!” It’s amazing what people will get worked up about. I’m sure if we actually developed an alternative fuel source, there would be tons of hold-outs in the Republican party who insisted on using oil because the new fuel just wasn’t black and viscous enough.
I think the main difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats get excited about new ideas, while Republicans get excited about old ideas. Right now Giuliani’s getting the ladies in the crowd pumped up about this awesome foot-binding technique he just read about that’s all the rage among the spice traders. (Edited for inclusion of funnier joke.)
And now here comes Palin. They just flashed on Bristol and Levi, the new D.C. “it” couple. Levi’s standing on his chair, pointing at Bristol and shouting, “SEE THIS CHICK? I FUCKING NAILED HER!” Damn, Bristol’s STACKED! Which candidate would I most like to have a beer with? That one!
Palin’s first line: “God loves bad parents.” The crowd goes wild. They’re all bad parents, too! She flings her glasses off, takes the pencil out of her hair, and gives her chest a celebratory shake. The crowd eats it up. Now this is the hard-drinking cougar we were hoping to see!
Now she’s talking about how she was a hockey mom and she told a joke about hockey moms that drove the hockey moms crazy. So she’s won Minnesota and Alaska, I guess. I’m pretty sure those are the only states with ice.
Oh shit, I didn’t know McCain was a P.O.W.! You learn something new every day.
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Funniest thing ever: You know how they pass out copies of the speeches to the media? Palin’s speech, which I was surprised had some meaty foreign policy stuff in it that she’d logically know about (the oil lines)… IT WAS FREAKIN’ PHONETIC!!!!!!! And, yes, they left the phonetic spellings in the version they released to the press. WHY DO I ONLY SEE THIS ON COMEDY CENTRAL’S BLOG AND A BRIEF MENTION FROM RACHEL MADDOW??? Grrr.
Other downright hilariously bad lie: Huckabee claimed Palin got more votes for mayor than Biden got for Pres. Palin got 909 votes, Biden got over 80k. Yeah, um, methinks Huckabee is confusing the less-than and greater-than signs again. The mouth eats the big number, Huck!
September 3rd, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Jesus you touched on just about every point that got to me while I was watching this.
Here’s what gets me…
When I watched Obama last week, I felt good about myself and our country. I felt like he was inspiring everybody to do better. I felt like I was doing something to make this world a better place just by listening to him. I know it makes it sound like he touched me and healed me of leprosy or something, but I’m just saying.
Watching Rudy tonight and the crowd going wild with him, I just felt dirty. I felt unclean and ashamed of the same vitriol that you used for the title of this post. I saw those fat fucks on the screen with their bad hats and their Sunday suits and realized that I hated them and their fat fucky faces. Sure I hate plenty of people at the DNC too, but not as a whole. Really, Republicans? Booing and hissing must be old fashioned values.
And I’m glad Palin is taking on the old boys’ club. I mean, the whole Republican party is an old boys’ club. You think those slimy oil fucks she took on aren’t Republicans? C’mon and stop already with your horseshit.
Palin did alright though, didn’t she? I don’t think she’s naturally mean spirited, it sounded like she kind of had to try to conjure up Rudy’s spirit there once or twice. And really, who uses the word Maverick? Oh he’s a real maverick. Oh my hairdresser’s a real maverick, never plays by the rules. I did notice she used the word caliber at one point. My hairdresser’s also a high caliber.
/rant off
September 4th, 2008 at 12:30 am
While watching Palin’s speech tonight, I was struck by the following revelation like a lightning bolt from Iraq-invading God himself:
McCain has chosen Mrs. Poole as his running mate.
I was inspired to create my first, and likely last, piece of political commentary ever.
If the image doesn’t show below, please see my masterpiece at: http://i524.photobucket.com/albums/cc328/skammer2k/mccain-palin-aka-rooney-grace.jpg
September 4th, 2008 at 12:38 am
And lest anyone doubt my brilliant analogy, let me remind you something about Obama - he’s very popular. The sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.
September 4th, 2008 at 8:28 am
After I posted the thing above, Olbermann basically smacked us down for making a thing out of that; he says it’s very common to use phonetic spellings of even words you’re very familiar with, to avoid screwing it up when you read it on the teleprompter. I still think it’s odd that that’s the version that goes out to the press, but I’ll drop it. Apparently she even made it through a couple teleprompter glitches, so I’ll go with the content rather than the delivery.
BTW, Wasilla had a population of 5.5k in the 2000 census, the communities that Barack organized had a population in the vicinity of 100k. But of COURSE stupid community organizers don’t get as much executive experience as mayors of thriving metropolises like Wasilla.
September 4th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Mark: You’re totally right about hope vs. anger. I think it’s the main thing that separates people who gravitate toward the Republicans and people who gravitate toward the Democrats. Republicans want a stern daddy who’s going to tell them what to do. Democrats want a nurturing mommy who’s going to let them make their own mistakes. Republicans believe there is an answer, while Democrats believe there are many answers.
But that’s why I think we’re at a constant disadvantage. Because one party can say, “yeah! There’s only one answer: here it is!” And that’s very, very appealing to people who don’t want to be bothered with complexity, which is, let’s face it, most of us. Whereas Democrats say, “hey! There are a lot of factors to consider here.” And it can come across as if we don’t want to make a decision.
The crappy thing is that this means the only way to appeal to the people who gravitate toward the Republicans is to lie and pretend there’s only one answer and we know what it is. They have faith, while we have hope. Faith is an answer, while hope is a question.
As for Palin, I think she’s probably a very well-intentioned, misguided dolt. No one wakes up in the morning and says, “you know what? I’m going to do evil today.” Clearly, she believes that God has some sort of plan that she is helping to fulfill. Why this plan has to involve fossil fuels and corporate tax breaks is a mystery to me, but I’m sure the GOP has got it worked out in her head somehow.
Shea: Clearly, Obama just wants everyone to have a good time, so there’s no question he’s Ferris. As for Biden: Cameron’s comment to the weird, foreign parking lot attendant — “Do you speak English?” is suspiciously close to Biden’s comment to the Indian man at the press conference that “I see a lot of guys like you at the 7-11.” That’s the best I can come up with, until I see what kind of car he drives.
Harmon: Wasilla is twice the size of Clio! It’s like overseeing both Clio AND Mt. Morris at once! Could you do it? I don’t think so!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:10 am
[...] the comments — Shea has determined that the McCain/Palin ticket is actually the Rooney/Poole [...]
September 4th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Oh man, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Clio *and* Mt. Morris? She must be some kind of super-woman.
Seriously, though, I looked into this recently for an unrelated reason. The Clio population figures only count the 1-square-mile City Of. With Vienna and Thetford townships, it’s over 20k, ie more than 2 Wasillas. Think about that. She governed fewer people than are in the Clio school district. She governed fewer people than are in a graduating class at UT. But, of course, then she went on to govern as many people as are in the city of Austin (except our average income is lower than Alaska’s $58k), so I guess that makes her qualified, right?