Updates on Yesterday’s News
A few updates on stories that have raised my ire in the last few months:
1. The case against Bruce Ivins, celebrity anthrax attacker, remains flimsy, at best. Glenn Greenwald continues to do great work on this story, as does Dr. Meryl Nass. The most glaring oversight is that the FBI has failed to place Ivins at the scene of the crime. I mean, he was obsessed with a sorority that stored some robes somewhere in the general area of the mailbox where the anthrax was sent, but aren’t we all?
My guess: there will be some half-assed congressional investigation that no one will bother to report on because the press is bored with the topic. The investigation will conclude that the FBI screwed everything up and the real perpetrator(s) haven’t been caught. No one will notice except Glenn Greenwald and Dr. Meryl Nass.
2. The FISA amendment passed with flying colors, and the NSA celebrated by tapping your phone. The ACLU is suing. Who knew the ACLU sued people? I thought they spent their days peeing on the Constitution! The plaintiffs on the case are a who’s-who of awesomeness, including The Shock Doctrine author Naomi Klein and former New York Times foreign correspondent (and all-around badass) Chris Hedges.
My guess: No clue. Cross your fingers.
3. The Bigfoot body was determined to be a fake. What’s awesome about this is that it was just a frozen costume. These hoaxers are either incredibly stupid or awesomely hilarious. This does not even deserve to be called a hoax. A goof, maybe. A clown.
My guess: In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I still believe. If we’ve never captured a sasquatch, than how can we determine what they’re made of? Maybe Bigfoot is built of the exact same materials as a rubber Bigfoot suit! Didn’t think about that, did ya’? (Thanks, Harmon!)
In a related note, next week I will be holding a press conference to display the tiny spacecraft I found. Unlike technology known to us, this spacecraft’s wings are built in an X-shaped pattern, presumably to make the craft more aerodynamic in an airless environment. I even found a tiny man in the control seat, and some kind of futuristic controller droid in the gun turret!
August 20th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Dude, the ACLU pisses on the flag and the Bible but not the Constitution. Jeese.
Also, one of the Big Foot hoaxers is going to lose his job as a cop, now that he’s estranged himself from the truth for fun.
And then there’s the burgeoning monkey menace:
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4365990
August 20th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Sorry, you’re right … total typo. I meant to say they spend their day peeing the Constitution on flags and Bibles.
That monkey video is awesome until the monkey disappears.
August 21st, 2008 at 9:37 am
Just a thoughtful suggestion, Mr. Dinsmore: It seems like many of your posts concern things/events that “raise” your “ire”. I suggest developing a color-coded chart to denote your level of ire. Might I suggest the Department of Homeland Security’s terror threat chart as a template, considering how well that has worked out for everyone.
And as for satisfying Japanese monkey hijinx videos, Youtube (is that a verb now?) “Tom Green Monkey Van”. (I’m too lazy to link). Tom Green is generally an idiot, but I thought that little clip was amusing.