Ya know, the more I’m thinking about this financial bailout thing, the more I’m becoming super ultra paranoid that what we’re about to witness is a bloodless coup. I just can’t wrap my head around why they would ask for $700 billion (and how did they come up with that figure?) with no oversight. And they asked for it IMMEDIATELY, like they knew exactly what was going to happen and they were standing there with a plan. Sort of like how Bush & Cheney’s first instinct after 9/11 was “Hot damn! We’re going to Iraq!”

In the comments, Harmon suggested that they’re asking for more than they can get, much like you or I would go into a job interview with a higher salary figure than we imagined would be possible. And I think that would be a perfectly plausible explanation for an administration that hasn’t shown themselves, over the last 8 years, to be utterly unconcerned with precedent or consensus. That niggling little bit of faith I was referring to yesterday? Banish it! I know that you never get anywhere by comparing people to Nazis, but what if it’s true? What if the Bush administration has known for some time that this crisis was coming, and they’ve engineered it so they can privatize our economy and steal the election in one fell swoop?

But things are looking good for Obama! you say. Well, maybe, if you think elections are decided by things as trifling as votes. I’m not a genius here. I don’t know how they’re going to steal it. But I do find it awfully suspicious that the worst economic disaster in 70 years is happening a few weeks before we fire the administration that has repeatedly shown contempt for the rule of law and who has been elected twice under questionable circumstances. That little bit of niggling faith … let’s call it “optimism” … makes us think that maybe, possibly, all the recklessness of the last 8 years has been an unhappy accident. But what I see, when I look at the vast overview, is an administration and party that has spent eight years angling to take control of every branch of government. Why should we assume this is any different?

Since the fallout began last week, I’ve been hearing repeatedly that this is the worst economic disaster to happen to our country since the Great Depression, IF NOT worse. Think about that. There isn’t a person reading this who didn’t grow up in mortal terror of the Great Depression. We’ve all seen the pictures of how bad things got during those days. People weren’t sitting around in front of 47” TVs during the Great Depression … they were living in tin shacks and eating dirt. This is just the beginning. You’re not affected right now, but chances are strong a good percentage of us will lose our jobs because of this mess. My office partner’s 401K went from $1200 to $400 in one month. That’s just the beginning. Mom and Dad? I would suggest withdrawing your retirement funds right now and sticking them under your mattress.

I feel totally unprepared for the reality of what’s about to happen to the country. I haven’t seen any advice telling me how we can help on this matter, but as soon as I do, I’ll post it. I’m convinced that this is a defining moment in history, and simply saying we’ll vote the bums out of office in November isn’t going to be enough.

And I don’t think we should have a lick of faith that our tough-talking Senators are going to have an of impact. I don’t know why everyone seems convinced that this is the moment when Congress is going to really stand up for the rights of ordinary Americans. Oh, heavens! Finance Officials Face Wary Lawmakers! Our lawmakers are “wary” at the thought of turning over complete control of our economy to a bunch of psychotics! Could someone please send me an example of them doing anything in my best interest of the course of the last 8 years? Or an example of Congress standing up to Bush when he asks them for something? For fuck’s sake, we have spent the last 6 years debating whether inflicting unyielding pain and psychological stress on prisoners can legally be considered torture! Here’s your debate, Congress: YES! THAT IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF TORTURE, YOU ASS-GOBBLING MORONS!!!

For some reason, the biggest sticking point in Congress’s view seems to be whether the CEOs of these companies will be allowed to walk away with “golden parachutes.” I totally agree with Kos: the “golden parachute” issue is the absolute least of our worries. It’s a total red herring, and I don’t believe the administration gives a rat’s ass about it, either. Newsflash: these executives aren’t going to become minimum wage workers overnight. If they walk away with $10 million instead of $40 million, it’s not going to make a bit of impact on anyone’s life. It’s a shell game. The administration will cave on golden parachutes, the Democrats will declare victory, social security and medicare will go away, and we’ll all lose our life savings. But hey! The president of Goldman Sachs only got $10 million!

Of course, for those of you are about to jump out the window after reading this, please note that I could be totally paranoid and wrong. If you’ll notice, I went to great pains to avoid things like “facts” and “information” in this post. If you’re interested in knowing a bit more information before you sign up to join the Michigan militia, please see here, here, and here.

Not to keep harping on this, but are you freaking kidding me about this bailout plan? That Henry Paulson is honestly coming to the American people asking for a trillion dollars with no oversight? And that this idea is actually up for debate?!? I have no doubt that Paulson is well-educated. Some might even say elitist. But I will tell you this: anyone who asks the government to hand him a trillion dollars and then pay no attention to what he does with it is COMPLETELY FUCKED IN THE HEAD.

“Hey, Henry Paulson! What do you think we should do to fix our financial crisis?”

“I can’t tell you. Give me a trillion dollars. I can’t tell you.”

“With anyone else, I might think they were out of their flipping gourds. But I like you, Henry Paulson. Call me crazy, but I say: go for it!”

Honestly, un-freaking-believable. The sheer incompetence on display in our government is mind-boggling. Even though I almost always disagree with the administration, there’s still a tiny part of me that believed, up until this point, that they must kinda know more about running a country than me. Admit it: no matter how much you may think the president is a moron, there’s still something deep inside your psyche that says in order to run a country, one must, on some level, be more informed than you or I. When we’re children, we’re told that anyone can grow up to be president. This is not meant to imply that any brain dead moron can be president; it’s meant to imply that if you work your ass off and learn a bunch of stuff, you could run the country.

Well, ignore that niggling part of your psyche that still has the tiniest bit of faith in your government, because as the Bush administration’s bailout plan proves, the people running our government right now are dumber than most houseplants. Think about it … if you were in charge right now, during this fiscal crisis, would you A) assemble a team of financial wizards like Warren Buffet and Paul Krugman and try to come up with a plan for saving our economy or B) ask for a trillion dollars and say you’re not going to tell anyone what you’re doing with it?

If you chose A, you could, without question, do a better job handling this crisis than our current leadership. If you chose B, you must be the guy who’s already managing this crisis. Thanks for stopping by, Henry!

Now, I’m not saying Obama is poor. But, c’mon:

(click to enlarge)

How can anyone believe that McCain is somehow more connected to the common man?

Katie Holmes is on Broadway, and the reviews are in!

If Holmes felt nervous and jittery, she didn’t show it. She delivered her lines with confidence and projected her girlish voice so it could be heard loud and clear. She danced around on stage with gusto. She wore a brown shoulder-length hairpiece to hide her pixie cut.

She danced with gusto! She spoke clearly! I smell a Tony in her future! Is there anything this woman can’t do?

This is gorgeous.

(Thanks, Firedoglake!)

George Michael’s up to no good again:

George Michael has apologised to his fans for ’screwing up again’ after he was arrested at a notorious meeting place for gay men and cautioned for drug possession.

The controversial 45-year-old pop star has promised ‘to sort myself out’ after he was reportedly caught with a small amount of crack cocaine and cannabis in public toilets on Hampstead Heath in North London.

Can’t a guy with as much money as George Michael enjoy his crack and buggery at home? I can understand getting caught doing it in a bathroom if you’re in the closet and don’t know how else to get sex, but at this point, it’s pretty clear that George Michael just really, really likes hanging out in bathrooms.

My man Glenn Greenwald has a scary piece on Salon today about the total lack of debate on what our corporate overseers are planning to do to fix this economic debacle:

The Federal Government now controls what were — up until last month — vast private assets. These are extreme — truly radical — changes to how our society functions. Does anyone have any disagreement with any of it or is anyone alarmed by what the consequences are — not the economic consequences but the consequences of so radically changing how things function so fundamentally and so quickly?

Other countries are debating it. The headline in the largest Brazilian newspaper this week was: “Capitalist Socialism??” and articles all week have questioned — with alarm — whether what the U.S. Government did has just radically and permanently altered the world economic system and ushered in some perverse form of “socialism” where industries are nationalized and massive debt imposed on workers in order to protect the wealthiest. If Latin America is shocked at the degree of nationalization and government-mandated transfer of wealth, that is a pretty compelling reflection of how extreme — unprecedented — it all is.

Right? Weren’t the neocons the ones who wanted to “drown government in the bathtub”? And now they’re handing the private sector over to the government? Is there a term for socialism that is completely unconcerned with the social good? This isn’t socialism, it’s onanism.

What the HELL is going on here?!? And why have I become so distrustful of the people in charge that it feels like they engineered this disaster to happen at exactly this moment?

Update: Huffington Post has an excellent Q & A with a financial writer that really drives home the point that we should be majorly concerned with what our government is about to do. Read it!

I’ve been reading some stuff about our financial reconstruction plan (here and here … thanks, Matt!), and it sounds like a bum deal that’s going to put a royal hurting on everyone who is not in the top 1% of the country. I’m reposting this commentary from Firedoglake verbatim (below), because I think it’s the kind of thing that everyone needs to send to everyone until somehow the message gets to our man. Dear Mr. Obama: you can both win the election and save our country if you take this on. Please don’t disappoint.

It is the defining moment in Obama’s presidency and he hasn’t even won the election. The US Congress is poised to give Hank Paulson, a Bush appointee, 700 billion dollars and dictatorial powers free from judicial review or any constraints, to bail out the banking sector. Ordinary citizens, having gone bankrupt, lose their houses. Banks, having gone bankrupt, will be bailed out, and the same people who caused them to go bankrupt will be left in control of them, so they can run them into the ground yet again.

If Obama does not tell Reid and Pelosi to stop this bill, he will be reduced not just to clean-up duty for the Bush administration, which was always going to part of his job, but he will do that cleanup on Bush’s and Paulson’s terms. If Obama would prefer that ordinary Americans should also get some help, too bad. If Obama would prefer that bank CEOs who ran their companies into the ground should lose their jobs, too bad. If Obama thinks that reforming the financial system is necessary as a condition of bailing it out, too bad.

But even though Obama gets to decide none of those things, he will get to pay for the bailout and he will have to do so with his tax cut plans and his spending plans, because Bush and Paulson are spending that money, right now. Bush will have his third term, Obama will just get to call himself President.

In 1932 Hoover offered FDR a deal. FDR could take power early to deal with the crisis, if only he agreed to take care of it as Hoover wished. FDR said “no way”. This is Obama’s FDR moment. He can let Bush and Paulson define what his presidency will be about, how the crisis will be dealt with, or he can stand up and say “no way.”

It’s time to end the old ways of doing things, the Bush ways, and to bring in real change.

It’s Obama’s time.

Without comment, I present to you the brilliance of Schweig Engel.

I haven’t written anything about the Great New Depression yet, mostly because I have the financial acumen of a tree slug. But it’s TERRIFYING, right? Considering the fact that we have yet to see what the fallout is going to be. I’d love to think that it’s only going to affect bankers, but I gots me a feeling we’re going to see a lotttt of people losing their jobs soon who have nothing to do with the banking industry. One thing is for certain: George W. Bush is quite possibly the most ILL-EQUIPPED HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET to deal with any crisis, particularly one that involves things like “numbers” and “math.” The next 3 months are gonna be hella brutal.

I point you to the estimable Joe Conason:

Now that we’re all about to take on hundreds of billions or perhaps a trillion dollars in new public debt to redeem the nation’s super-smart corporate financiers, there is one thing I hope we can expect in addition to postponing the apocalypse. Will they all please shut up about the wonders of the unfettered free market and the horrors of big government?

EXACTLY. You know why we need government in the first place? To save us from our worst impulses. If you still believe, after all this proof, that banks and corporations freed of oversight will regulate themselves, you are a SIMPLE-MINDED JACKASS.