So, stocks have plunged again. I know it’s easy to forget when you’re reading that headline every day, but what that means is that millions of individuals are looking out for their best interests and taking their money out of the stock market, thus ensuring that their fears of everyone taking their money out of the stock market will come true. Well, my friends, I have figured out the solution! DON’T TAKE YOUR MONEY OUT OF THE STOCK MARKET. It’s simple! If we don’t want a financial crisis, then we shouldn’t create a financial crisis. I understand, as a solitary investor, you are saying to yourself, “what happens if I leave my money in and everyone else takes their money out? Won’t I lose money?” Well, yes. But now, if we can just convince everyone else that it’s a smarter idea to leave their money in, you don’t have to worry! It’s ridiculously simple. What works in the interest of the common good works in the interest of the individual.

I don’t have to think about it, because I don’t have any money in the stock market. I’m pretty sure the stock market is only for rich people. So, rich people, are you listening? Your problems are solved! Use your money for good instead of evil! Maybe you’ll lose a couple of bucks here and there, but how much do you really need? Consider it a charitable donation. Or if it makes you feel better, pretend you are buying insurance against the gangs of marauding cannibals that are certain to be roaming our country if we fall into a permanent depression.