I’m watching MTV right now. It’s the show about people who want to be Paris Hilton’s best friend. Let me repeat that: it’s a show about people who want to be Paris Hilton’s best friend. If the goal of the show is to make Paris Hilton look intelligent by surrounding her with developmentally-challenged skeezers, than they’ve succeeded admirably. I feel bad for the poor special needs girls who actually think Paris Hilton might hang out with them, but maybe instead I should pity myself for watching it.

Anyway, my new cable package has all these different MTV channels — MTV, MTV2, MTV Jams, MTVU, etc. And each of these channels features a rotating roster of the same programs, which generally feature half-naked people getting drunk and embarrassing themselves. So here’s my idea: why not add a new channel called MTV Naked? Take all the shows that use the possibility of nudity as their only programming hook and just let them get naked. The audience wants to see nudity, and clearly, the participants desperately want to be naked. Everyone wins!