This morning has blessed us with a plethora of amazing quotes by and about America’s sweetheart, Sarah Palin. First off, via Firedoglake … here was her response when asked by a 3rd grader what the Vice President does:

PALIN: That’s something that Piper would ask me! … [T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.

The only “control” the Vice President has over the Senate is to break a tie when a vote is split 50/50. I love how generalized this answer is, too. Like, if you were to ask Palin what a teacher did, she would answer, “they get in there and just do good and nice things for kids.” It’s clear she’s still pretty foggy on the Vice President’s actual duties. Which, to be fair, so am I … but I’m not applying for the job.

The other bit of awesomeness comes from an article in the LA Times this morning about Palin’s college years. It’s about how no one really remembers her from college. Which, again, to be fair, I would bet most of my favorite professors have no idea who I am. I couldn’t tell you most of their names anymore, either. But here’s one of the few stories anyone could recall about her:

At North Idaho, Palin and Ketchum found what they had missed in Honolulu. They lived on campus before moving to separate apartments their second semester. “It was all very quaint,” Ketchum said. “You kind of felt safe.”

Ketchum could remember only one out-of-character incident.

“Someone pulled the fire alarm next to my door,” she said. “We all were told there is an invisible dye that squirts onto your hand when you pull the alarm and you’re not going to be able to hide. And Sarah looked at her hands, and said, ‘Oh my God, look!’ And she went and confessed.”

Wait … what?!? They were told that fire alarms are filled with an “invisible dye”? And they believed it? And Palin could see this invisible dye on her hands and that’s why she confessed? And why the hell did Palin pull a fire alarm in the first place?

Can someone please explain this story to me?