Note: the above picture is not an endorsement.

Voters in Los Angeles will notice a funny difference between this latest primary ballot and those from years past. In order to get his budget passed, Schwarzenegger agreed to remove candidates’ political parties from the primary ballot. Basically, the tiny amount of information we can generally glean from ballots is now reduced to zero. The only information listed is (are?) the candidates’ professions and nicknames. For instance, Villaraigosa’s competition includes Bruce Darian, a “General Contractor” and professional “Whistleblower”, Phil Jennerjahn, an “Entertainer,” and David “Zuma Dogg” Saltsburg, a “Badass.”

Luckily for you, I have taken the time to give a passing glance at the candidates’ statements of intent. So although this voting guide is woefully underinformed, it’s at least a tiny bit better than the giant void of non-information found elsewhere. Are you ready, Angelenos? Let’s begin!

City of Los Angeles

Mayor
My pick: Antonio R. Villaraigosa. There ain’t too much of a contest here. Why fight it? I don’t know that Villaraigosa is doing that outstanding a job, but his competition is pretty lackluster. If you want to exercise your freedom, though, I would recommend a vote for my man Zuma Dogg. I like this guy’s passion:

City Attorney
My pick: Noel Weiss. This one’s somewhat of a toss up between Weiss and Carmen Trutanich. Weiss’s bio stresses his accomplishments in the field of housing, while Trutanich talks about his environmental advocacy. What won me over was this statement of Weiss’s site:
My governance philosophy is one of ’smart governance’ – What I call the `Five-P’s’ of Governance. No program or policy should be implemented unless it is (1) Practical, (2) Pro-active, (3) Positive, (4) Progressive, and (5) Principled.

Controller
My pick: Wendy Greuel. The other two candidates seem focused on business interests, while Greuel plans to “Fight to ensure that Los Angeles becomes the greenest and cleanest big city in the United States.” She’s got the experience as a City Councilwoman … give it to her.

Los Angeles Community College District

These races have no impact on most of our lives. However, we do get to vote on them. And if there’s one thing that pisses me off when it comes to elections, it’s candidates who don’t supply their biographical information to the League of Women Voters. I mean, really. It’s the least you can do. So please join me in punishing those who were too lazy to give the voters the information they need to make an informed decision.

Member of the Board of Trustees, Seat No. 2
My pick: Angela J. Reddock: Only two candidates who supplied their bios – Art Sims and Angela J. Reddock. Reddock has great experience and seems committed to the cause.

Member of the Board of Trustees, Seat No. 4
My pick: Kelly Candaele. Candaele writes for The Nation. Automatic win.

Member of the Board of Trustees, Seat No. 6
My pick: Jane Ardigo Scott. She wrote a position paper entitled “Generally 5.5% voter turn out for the Community College Election” which says “Holding a political office was NEVER intended to be a life long career. Therefore, I am asking for your support to replace an incumbent on the present Board.” Ask and ye shall receive.

Member of the Board of Trustees, Seat No. 7
My pick: Miguel Santiago. Endorsed by the Sierra Club.

City of Los Angeles Measures

I’m voting yes on all. Measure A proposes to hire an independent assessor to make sure the Fire Department is running well. Sounds good. Measure B is in favor of solar energy development. Despite Zuma Dogg’s displeasure with the measure, it sounds like a good goal to me. Measures C and D have no opponents, so they get an automatic win. Measure E just proposes that we change the city charter to allow the city to give incentives to businesses. I would hate for them to use it for corporate welfare, but it seems like a right a city should be allowed to have.

And there it is. Go forth and vote, Los Angeles.