I don’t know what to say about Heath Ledger’s death. He’s one of the few celebrities I didn’t know personally. He seemed like an all right guy, though, and I’m looking forward to seeing him play the Joker. I will say this: it must really suck to be related to a dead celebrity. There are videos all over the internet of his body bag being carried out of his apartment. I can’t imagine why someone would want to watch a video of a random, unidentified body bag on a stretcher. And also, bad writers are allowed to eulogize you:

The cause of Heath Ledger’s death, at age 28, on Jan. 22 is still unknown, but the circumstances — naked, near pills — paint a tragic last picture of a man who had an uncanny talent for playing tragic people.

Near pills! That’s brilliant. The last time I checked, it was ok to be naked in your own apartment and to be in the vicinity of pills. Especially if he had pneumonia, as some reports have said. Thank God I will never be famous enough for anyone to care how I sleep. Chances are they’ll find me clutching my stuffed monkey. “Naked and near monkey,” the police report will read.

There’s a new video out of Amy Winehouse smoking crack. It’s about time! I feel like I’ve been waiting for ages!

I’m constantly amazed by the number of scandalous videos of celebrities in the world. You would be hard-pressed to find private video of me doing anything over the last few years, let alone anything scandalous. Are celebrities constantly hanging out and videotaping each other? And then do they get together and watch those videos? “Hey, where’s that crack smoking video we made? I’d like to see that.”

I watched The Prestige last night, which was pretty good if slightly anti-climactic and bullshit at the end. David Bowie was in it. He was shorter than Hugh Jackman, which I found surprising, because I always thought David Bowie was like 6′6” or something. I learned today that he is only 5′9”. The reason this is funny is because I discovered this information by doing a Google search which landed me on a website called, I swear to God, CelebHeights.com, which is one of those sites you can tell is just a way of bringing spam into people’s lives. But it isn’t totally a trick, because the site actually did give his height, along with what has to be the most awesome celebrity picture I’ve ever seen:

My idea of what is and is not badass has just been redefined.

“He travels with two chefs, Oscar winner Marisa Tomei said of her Wild Hogs co-star John Travolta.– one regular chef and one pastry chef. He eats a fresh pie every day.

I kind of assumed that John Travolta was an asshole, but clearly my assumptions were wrong. This revelation makes it quite clear that, in spite of anything you may have heard, Travolta is one cool customer. If I was John Travolta and someone was messing with me, I would just be like, “Ya know what, dickhead? I eat a fresh fucking pie every day.” Argument settled: Travolta wins!

A large part of the premise seems to be that Steve Carell is told to build an ark, and everyone thinks he’s crazy. But as we can clearly see from the trailer, fairly early on in the story, pairs of weirdly anthropomorphic animals start following him around everywhere he goes. I have never seen a single hippopotamus follow a man, let alone two, let alone two followed by pairs of every other kind of animal on earth, including breakdancing chimpanzees. On top of that, he seems to have developed a superhuman ability to grow a beard instantaneously. What logical explanation could the filmmakers possibly come up with to explain why people would not be swayed by this evidence?

I have no idea what this website is all about, but I feel pretty confident in saying that it is awesome.

Just watcho!

Q: What could be dumber than watching this over and over again?

A: Nothing. Nothing could be dumber.

Today, Salon asks the question: “Is voting for Sanjaya subversive?” Here’s one response by Todd Gitlin:

Is it ’subversive’ to vote for Sanjaya? It’s fun, and defensible — which ought to be enough to justify a minor activity. In a tiny way, it twists the pseudo-democracy of a media-saturated universe. But subversive? Any more subversive than not watching the show? It would seem to me more ’subversive’ to apply the precious minutes you would have spent watching ‘American Idol’ lobbying for universal healthcare, or against mindless war spending. I note, by the way, that the VoteForTheWorst.com, yes-on-Sanjaya campaign accepts the premise that voting for singers is a worthy activity. Thus: ‘Many good people are turned away and many bad singers are kept around to see Simon, Paula and Randy so that America will be entertained.’ Fine, but please don’t tell me that there’s anything ’subversive’ about the goal of ‘making a more entertaining show.’

Thanks for your commentary, douche! What an ass. No one asked him to define the word “subversive.” Just for the record: Todd Gitlin is a media critic. He makes his living looking way too deeply at phenomena like American Idol. And then he critiques people for watching television. Like, it’s okay for him to watch TV, because he’s viewing it through the correct lens, but the rest of us need to be guided by a genius like him. This paragraph is all I need to know about Todd Gitlin to officially proclaim him a hypocritical dick licker.

Now, this does not mean that I care one iota about someone’s motivation behind voting for an American Idol candidate. Yes, in a perfect world, people would take as much joy in the political process as they do in Idol. But why would you say that in response to a question by a media critic about a media phenomenon? I wonder how much time Todd Gitlin has spent “lobbying for universal healthcare.”

Does anyone else have any stories about this pompous douchebag? I know I’ve seen his name before, although I can’t remember where.

Update: And then we have Greil Marcus, author of the intensely amazing Lipstick Traces: A Secret History of the 20th Century:

“The notion of controversy over people voting for the guy whose hair stands up assumes that the previous winners are not national embarrassments.”

Now that’s a guy I want critiquing my media for me. Ha! Calling the winners of American Idol “national embarrassments”! Too, too awesome.

Jarvis Cocker, lead-singer of one of my favorite bands, Pulp, has a solo album out. It’s quite good. That has nothing to do with what I’m posting, which is this:

Pitchfork: You enjoyed a few years of being a working musician and songwriter rather than a public figure and having to go through this promotional cycle. Have you enjoyed swinging back into this process, having your name in lights and on a record?

Jarvis Cocker: Because I haven’t done it for a while, I’ve been able to kind of appreciate it. But I’ve been leading quite a domestic existence for the past four years. To think of going out on tour and stuff like that actually seems quite a good laugh; compared to child care, it’s easy. So it’s been interesting, you know, like, a couple years ago I went to the Brit Awards for the first time in 11 years, and–

Pitchfork: They didn’t invite you back right away I guess?

Jarvis Cocker: No, but, it’s just kind of– sorry, I’m eating a bit of chocolate now, keeping the blood-sugar levels up. Is that a big craze in America?

Pitchfork: Chocolate?

Jarvis Cocker: No, people in England have developed this massive obsession with blood-sugar levels.

British rock stars sit around eating chocolates and trying to keep their blood-sugar levels up. I love them.

Update: I just got to the end of the interview, and he’s still eating!

I feel I’ve got a vague idea of what I’d like to do next. But I haven’t done it yet, so it’s pretty hard to talk about it, I suppose.

Sorry, I’ve been eating a lot of nuts during that.

Pitchfork: I was worried it had been 45 minutes of nothing but chocolate.

Jarvis Cocker: No, I’ve moved on to almonds. Have you been feeling sick through the whole interview then, thinking he’s laid there…

Pitchfork: Right, you’re on the couch with bon bons or a box of Milk Tray talking about your sluggish output.

Jarvis Cocker: No, I was eating nuts…I’ll dispel that unpleasant image from your mind.