Obama responded to the fake “lipstick on a pig” controversy today:

It’s adorable that Obama wants to talk about the issues instead of name-calling. Where does he think we live? Switzerland? I much prefer to hear my politicians taunting each other than discussing boring policy crap. I like to vote for the candidate with the sickest snaps.

Dear news people:

Please stop talking about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Not because it isn’t important news, but because their names makes me cringe. Those are really, really, stupid names for businesses.

Love,
Jeffrey

Wow. This is actually kinda shocking. You go, Dave.

As part of the liberal elite, I know I’m supposed to hate Thomas Friedman. Would someone remind me why this is? I read From Beirut to Jerusalem before I knew I was supposed to hate him, and I really liked it. I just heard him talking about his new book on Terry Gross last night and he was preaching in favor of good things that I believe in. So why do we hate him, again? Is it because he’s a blowhard? Or was he pro-Iraq invasion?

Dirty little liberal secret #2: I kinda think Chris Matthews is hilarious.

Complete non sequitur: Bob Herbert from the NY Times looks like a Frankenstein:

Read his column today, anyway.

News color commentators are geniuses. On CBS I just saw a brilliant analysis of how McCain has the momentum right now. I doubt it had anything to do with the fact that ALL TV HAS SHOWN IS THE RNC FOR THE LAST WEEK. It’s probably because Sarah Palin’s speech really broke new ground.

Cindy McCain is the creepiest looking creepo-bot I’ve ever seen. She looks like she’s wearing a skin mask pulled taut over a plastic novelty skull. That’s not a face-lift, it’s a face-starch.

From the comments: I mentioned that Wasilla, Washington is only twice the size of my hometown of Clio, MI. Harmon pointed out that the census figures for Clio (population 2,500) only includes the square mile downtown area. Including Thetford & Vienna townships into the greater Clio metropolitan area (which, trust me, it’s still a reallll small area) you get a population of over 20,000. My dad and Harmon’s mom are both really active in the community, and I think either of them would tell you that you can have the intelligence of a tree stump and do a pretty good job as mayor of a town that size. And Sarah Palin’s town was significantly smaller.

But I don’t necessarily think the experience argument holds weight on either end … it’s just fun to mock Sarah Palin. It’s not about experience, it’s about intelligence … and Barack Obama is one smart son of a bitch. A smart, competent person can overcome any challenge. I don’t know that Sarah Palin is the one we should be worrying about, anyway … all it does is give her more press. She’s not running for President. I know, she’s a heartbeat away from the Presidency and he’s old, but when was the last time a president died in office of natural causes? FDR? In his what, fourth term? He clearly pushed his limits. If Dick Cheney can live through 2 presidential terms, anyone can.

Wait … hold on … did you know John McCain was a P.O.W.?!? Why doesn’t he publicize that to anyone? Now that I know that, I’m voting for him! ‘Cause everyone knows prison is a great place to develop your leadership skills.

The LA Times did a little roundup of the candidates’ tax plans the other day. I’m always fascinated by peoples’ obsession with taxes. I guess it probably goes back to the days of the Stamp Act and some kind of national instinct that if we’re paying taxes, it means we’re not really free. For some reason, talk of cutting taxes gets people riled up, while talk of cutting spending, particularly in the military, does not. We’ve spent over 100 billion dollars on a missile defense system that will never work (according to the BBC, it is akin to hitting “a bullet with another bullet”) while our only real enemy is doing a pretty good job with $.99 improvised explosive devices and hijacked airplanes. But for either candidate to say they’re going to lower defense spending would be tantamount to proposing Muslim extremism as our national religion.

Anyway, here’s the skinny, in case you’re curious:

The major difference is that John McCain wants to lower taxes on the wealthy, while Obama wants to increase taxes on the wealthy. Now, before you pass judgment, consider this: conservatives and liberals have a different philosophy of what will improve our economy. Conservatives believe the way to improve everyone’s lives is to give the wealthy more money, then let it filter down to the people who need it most. Liberals believe you should solidify the non-wealthy first, and the wealth will trickle up. At least, so my rudimentary knowledge of economics tells me.

And honestly, I don’t have a problem with that difference of ideology. I tend to think that if rich people are given more money they’ll probably just keep more money, but it is somewhat comforting to know, at least, that there is a philosophy of greater public benefit in the conservative view. Many conservatives truly believe that if those at the top benefit, those at the bottom will, too.

Here’s what I don’t understand: if this is truly a difference in ideology, why don’t the Republicans admit it? John McCain’s tax plan is quite clearly diagrammed in the chart above, and it includes lowering taxes for the wealthy and corporations. Yet because he’s found a way to give a 21 freaking dollar handout to the poorest Americans, he’s able to claim he supports lowering taxes, and Barack Obama supports raising taxes. I want to believe there are conservatives who believe in the public good, but smoke-and-mirrors tricks like this sure make it difficult to believe their hearts are in the right place.

Am I wrong to believe in the basic goodness of people? Does John McCain have any interest in making the world a better place, or is he strictly concerned with how much money he can make for himself and his friends? Am I giving him too much credit to think that his intentions might be noble, if misguided? Give me a sign, Lord!

A few updates on stories that have raised my ire in the last few months:

1. The case against Bruce Ivins, celebrity anthrax attacker, remains flimsy, at best. Glenn Greenwald continues to do great work on this story, as does Dr. Meryl Nass. The most glaring oversight is that the FBI has failed to place Ivins at the scene of the crime. I mean, he was obsessed with a sorority that stored some robes somewhere in the general area of the mailbox where the anthrax was sent, but aren’t we all?

My guess: there will be some half-assed congressional investigation that no one will bother to report on because the press is bored with the topic. The investigation will conclude that the FBI screwed everything up and the real perpetrator(s) haven’t been caught. No one will notice except Glenn Greenwald and Dr. Meryl Nass.

2. The FISA amendment passed with flying colors, and the NSA celebrated by tapping your phone. The ACLU is suing. Who knew the ACLU sued people? I thought they spent their days peeing on the Constitution! The plaintiffs on the case are a who’s-who of awesomeness, including The Shock Doctrine author Naomi Klein and former New York Times foreign correspondent (and all-around badass) Chris Hedges.

My guess: No clue. Cross your fingers.

3. The Bigfoot body was determined to be a fake. What’s awesome about this is that it was just a frozen costume. These hoaxers are either incredibly stupid or awesomely hilarious. This does not even deserve to be called a hoax. A goof, maybe. A clown.

My guess: In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I still believe. If we’ve never captured a sasquatch, than how can we determine what they’re made of? Maybe Bigfoot is built of the exact same materials as a rubber Bigfoot suit! Didn’t think about that, did ya’? (Thanks, Harmon!)

In a related note, next week I will be holding a press conference to display the tiny spacecraft I found. Unlike technology known to us, this spacecraft’s wings are built in an X-shaped pattern, presumably to make the craft more aerodynamic in an airless environment. I even found a tiny man in the control seat, and some kind of futuristic controller droid in the gun turret!