I’m not on hiatus, I’m just working. I’ll get back to you soon, blog friends. Here are some fresh old things.

In conclusion: Dinosaucers!

Here are a bunch of good things that will hopefully distract you from the post below which is probably not doing any favors for anyone involved.

–Roger Ebert’s highlarious review of Transformers 2: The Loudening.

–Fake Adam Sandler movie-within-a-movie from Judd Apatow’s upcoming Funny People.

–Fake Jason Schwartzman sitcom from same.

–Stephen Colbert and Tom Hanks making care packages.

– Fascinating New Yorker article about delayed gratification.

That should do it. Now you’ll be so busy you won’t even have time to read the comments on the post below, which are wholly uninteresting, anyway.

You have just met your match. The finest American filmmaker is now this guy, Charlie Schmidt.

(Videogum via Shea!)

P.S. Steven Spielberg, I’m just kidding. You were never the finest American filmmaker. Sad smilies!

Me?

(Thanks, Videogum!)

Clearly, it is midnight, and I am just watching everything on Videogum.

OH MY GOD THE SLOW LORIS IS BACK AND SHE IS THE CUTEST THING THAT EVER ATE A WORM!!! WHY AM I SHOUTING? BECAUSE I ALWAYS SHOUT WHEN I FALL IN LOVE!!!

(Thanks, Videogum!)

Slate posted a video today about a special children’s anti-drug event from the 90s called “Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue.” It’s a 1/2 hour-long cartoon special about the dangers of smoking marijuana, starring all of your favorite 80s cartoon stars, like the Muppet Babies, the Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, and Bugs Bunny(! Say it ain’t so, Bugs!). It’s animated in that awful, cheap-looking Hanna-Barbara style that apparently is the only way Chinese teenagers know how to draw. Because these cartoons are all actually drawn by Chinese teenagers.

Apparently this show was so important that it aired on all three networks simultaneously. Ya know, growing up in the Just Say No era, drugs were one of the scariest things in the world to me. I had no idea what they were, but I knew they were terrifying. Because we were constantly bombarded by propaganda that made it seem like the minute we hit puberty, we would regularly be whisked into back alleys by the popular kids who would threaten to make our lives a living Hell if we didn’t take a hit off of their joints. Which, I don’t even think my town had alleys.

On a totally related topic, when I was a kid I would memorize the names of the members of metal bands because I had an irrational fear that one day I’d be walking home (I didn’t even walk to school) and some stoner would threaten to kick my ass unless I told him the names of the members of Cinderella, immediately. Embarrassing, but true. Dear studio executives: please bring the Cartoon All-Stars back for a special about how you should always know the names of metal superstars in case something like this happens. You’re welcome!

The question is, is this really the target audience we need to reach? 10-year-olds? If you are a 10-year-old kid and you are doing drugs, your problems probably can’t be solved by the Muppet Babies. And that’s one to grow on.

But remember how well it worked? How everyone that was born in the 80s is still afraid of drugs and does not do them ever? Well done, America’s drug war! A very effective use of money.

Anyway, here’s the whole cartoon, for your amusement. I haven’t watched it. Please let me know if it’s worth the effort.

New Grizzly Bear. I don’t know them really. I saw the lead singer perform during this Songs of the City thing at Walt Disney Music Hall and he seemed smug and boring. But this song is gorgeous, and I’ve always heard good things. And the video is like, whhhaaaat?

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And ok. I know I started from a place of hatred with Lady Gaga. I have decided I was dead wrong. She’s kinda awesome. Ken Russell wishes he could make a rock movie this good.

Okay, first of all, awesome.

Second of all, what was Poison doing performing at the Tonys?

I’m having major flashbacks right now. This is EXACTLY how my drug habit started. Stuff like this is happening in unbelievably cool tree houses all over America, people. Join me in calling for President Obama to deny funding to the Chicklets Clubs of America, and together we can enjoy a nose-candy free future.

(Via Buzzfeed.)

Laugh out loud? Probably not. A not-terrible way to spend 3 minutes? Yes.