As part of my living in LA duties, I subscribe to a daily email called Urban Daddy that tells me how to be cool. Yes, “Urban Daddy” is a really unbearably bad name. I would consider unsubscribing if it didn’t constantly provide me with invaluable information. Today’s revelation was so monumental that I had to share it with the world. Behold, the majesty of the Double-Wide:

A truly spectacular night of Hollywood revelry requires…a truly spectacular hangover cure.

And so it is with great pride (and great anticipation of all that preparatory revelry) that we unveil the launch of an off-the-menu secret remedy at The Waffle—an astounding fried chicken and waffle sandwich they’re calling The Double Wide.

Served only to those who know to ask for it (that would be you), the sandwich utilizes Applewood-Smoked Bacon Waffles for the enormous sandwich’s “bread.” (In a brilliant feat forever altering the future of the waffling industry, the bacon is actually baked into the waffle.) Inside: tender fried chicken, more applewood-smoked bacon, lettuce, tomato, sliced red onions and melted Tillamook sharp cheddar. In case this all seem a bit too restrained, the sandwich arrives with a side of sawmill white country gravy…and a bottle of the house-made maple syrup.

The Waffle, open 6:30-4:30am Fri-Sat, 6:30-2:30am Sun-Thurs, 6255 W. Sunset Blvd (E. of Vine), Hollywood, 323-465-6901

Cartoonist John Martz redrew his mom’s entire yearbook. Pretty obsessive and awesome. (Thanks, BuzzFeed!)

Matt discovered there’s a Wikipedia entry on gleeking. I remember arguing with someone over whether the correct word was gleeking or gleeting. I always thought it was gleeking. I’m glad that Wikipedia has finally proved me right.

Bob Cole sent along this incredible video of the Leningrad Cowboys singing “Sweet Home Alabama.” No comments are necessary.

My old nemesis Rebecca Traister from Salon is up to her tricks again. The subtitle of today’s enlightening report: “Young women are growing increasingly frustrated with the fanatical support of Barack and gleeful bashing of Hillary.” Translation: one of Traister’s friends is growing increasingly frustrated with the fanatical support of Barack and gleeful bashing of Hillary, and this friend is a young woman. Sure enough, right there in the first paragraph is our tip-off:

Dana Lossia, a 29-year-old labor lawyer in Brooklyn, describes herself as a “pretty big Obama supporter. ” She worked for a year at Michelle Obama’s Public Allies Chicago, where she met Barack a few times. She called him “the most inspiring, amazing person, a different kind of politician.” Of Hillary Clinton, whom Lossia supported in her Senate runs, Lossia said, “I just think she’s acted badly during this campaign.”

And yet, as Lossia wrote in a recent e-mail, “I’ve been really bothered by what I perceive as sexism [among some male Obama supporters] and have spent hours defending [Clinton] … A lot of guys just can’t stand Hillary, and it’s the intensity of their irritation with her that disturbs me more than their devotion to Obama.”

Inside scoop: According to a MySpace page which may or may not be hers, Traister lives in Brooklyn. I’m going to guess it’s her, as the only comment comes from a friend who says, “Rebecca is here to subvert the patriarchy! Or for the nachos.” Also, as I learned when I worked on my high school yearbook, when one has to write an article and one does not feel like actually doing any research, one’s friends tend to get some pretty juicy quotes.

I haven’t read the entire article yet, but I’m sure I will have more outrages to list when I finally do.

Update: Halfway through, and it’s not as bad as I thought. Still, I don’t know about this:

Maggie Merrill, a 31-year-old graduate student in urban studies at the University of New Orleans who works part time at New Orleans City Hall, is a Clinton supporter who told me that she will happily vote for Obama in the general election. But, she said, “There is this Obama-mania, where these young men get glassy eyes and start spitting out vague things about how Barack Obama is going to save humanity. Really, have you seen their eyes? It’s this faraway look. It’s scary.”

First of all, I guess I avoid talking about politics in public, but I don’t know where this vast phalanx of people with “scary, faraway” looks in their eyes is hanging out. Then again, 31-year-old graduate students probably run with a different circle than I do.

The Obama vs. Hillary fight is a hopeless battle, I’m afraid. One of Traister’s points with which I agree is that most Obama supporters have little idea about his actual policies. I think most people are idiots who pick up opinions from whatever source they listen to and parrot those opinions back as if they’re their own. Here’s a rule of thumb: anyone who thinks his or her opinion is 100% correct is an asshole.

But I’m no better. I haven’t done any in-depth research on any of the candidates. I voted for Obama in the primary. Why? Because he’s cool. That’s about as far as my reasoning goes. He’s cool, and he isn’t afraid to use big words. I really don’t see how you can argue with that kind of airtight logic.

I present to you: the 50 Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time.

(Thanks, Boingboing!)

I’m at the airport right now, waiting for my friend Matt to arrive. I have been waiting for a long time. I mistakenly assumed that it would take me 2 hours to get to the airport, what with the scourge that is LA rush hour traffic. What I did not recognize was that people are not going in the direction of the airport during rush hour. So my 2 hour trip took me 35 minutes. Matt’s plane is 40 minutes late, which means that I technically just added 5 minutes to my life. I think. I’m not really into math.

This is the 1st post I’ve ever written on my phone, interestingly, even though I’ve had the iPhone for about 6 months. I am what is known in the industry as an “early adopter”. The network is slow and the input device is hopelessly flawed, but what do I want? I’m blogging from my phone. Can you imagine? The future is here! The future is slow and hopelessly flawed, but it’s here!

I was at a bar in LA with my college friends Shea and Drew the other day, and we were all poking around on our iPhones, because of course everyone in LA has iPhones. Not only that, but we also frequently have conversations about what our iPhones mean to us. I thought I would be ribald and said, “It’s really nice when I’m taking a shit.” Without hesitation, Shea replied, “Dude, the iPhone has revolutionized the act of taking a shit.” Are you reading this, Jobs? I smell ad campaign!

And there! Thanks to this slow-ass phone, I have just managed to waste half an hour!

I am finally finishing up this spelling book that I’ve been working on for the last couple of months. Pasted below is an example of the things I must write to appeal to the youth of today. I tell you this not to frighten, but to enlighten.

In 2007 alone, over 100 new words and phrases were added to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate dictionary, including smackdown (the act of bringing down an opponent), crunk (a rap style known for hard driving rhythms / slang for “partying like crazy”) and ginormous (ridiculously huge). In this chapter, we’ll be taking a look at words that have come into English from a ginormous variety of sources, including foreign words, old words that are being used in new ways, and brand new words that are just joining the language. Before we get crunk with spelling, let’s see if you can’t put the smackdown on this pretest!

From Matt:

Stupidest line in a science article I have ever read:

“But few scientists have tried to see whether bats have a discernible influence on insect populations. Further, because bats fly around at night, scientists sometimes forget about them entirely.”

- - - - - - -

Just like cops sometimes forget about robbers!

Dear God:

Thank you for allowing such things to exist.

Love,
Jeffrey

(Thanks, BoingBoing!)

The guy who rang me up at Subway was wearing a bracelet that read “Meth Free.” That explains why he was so freaking slow. (Rim shot.)

Ya’ know, I realize that we’re in the grips of a crystal meth “epidemic,” but I really can’t condone wearing a bracelet to tell the world that you’re not into something. There are a million things I’m not into, but you don’t see me advertising them on my wrist. Maybe I should get a bracelet that says “Chlamydia Free” or “Juno Free”.

Most likely, the only person who would wear a bracelet that said “Meth Free” would be someone who was once “Meth Full.” If that’s the case, I would much rather he wore a bracelet that read “Former Meth Addict.” A person who wears a bracelet that says “Meth Free” expects people to say, “hey, good job on not doing meth!” When what they should be saying, if he were honest, is “hey, why did you ever try meth in the first place, you egocentric retard?” It’s like expecting people to be impressed that you have the ability to deny your basest impulses.

Well, at no time today did I take off my clothes and fondle myself in public, so I think I am equally deserving of praise. Maybe if I had told the “Meth Free” guy this he would have thrown in a free cookie.

Bumper sticker seen on a car parked in front (not pictured): My Child Receives Mostly Passing Grades from Constitution High School.